At the End of the Road
by W.Kathy
Summary: The genki pinkhaired singer is not genki anymore, can anyone save him? Or is this the end? YxS
1. Chapter 1

At the End of the Road

Shuichi's POV

At the end of the road, what's left? Four years, four long years of staying with a tortured soul burdened by past memories. Finally, he is free of the pain of betrayal, and he is whole again. Able to smile honestly and laugh out-loud. To show his affections without restrain. I want to be happy for you, Yuki, that you are cured, no longer the hurt little boy who hides behind a cold bitter mask. But alas, I have forgotten what it feels to be happy. All I feel is a sense of conclusiveness to what I have titled, the "Yuki Mission". A mission I didn't even realized started that fateful day when I met you in the park, when I fell in love.

Love, another foreign feeling to me now. Everyone expected me to be the baka with thick-skin, who will never hurt no matter how many times you hurt me with cruel words, or throw me out of your apartment in the middle of the night in my boxers. Words I didn't deserve. Or did I? It doesn't matter anymore. I'm numb now. I don't remember when it started to not matter, and when I decided that even if you said "I love you", those three precious words I once wanted and would have done anything to hear, are useless. Yes, useless emotions, things that only bring dashed hopes and endless pain. You brought me inspiration to write my music, you gave me the experience of falling in love, and you taught me well how to hide behind a mask. I learnt so well, you don't even realize I was long gone now, do you? That my smiles are empty, my eyes are not really shining, and my soul is cold. The only time I even feel anything is when I sing, my only savior. Otherwise, I would have given up my "Yuki mission" and committed suicide a long time ago.

Yes, I, Shuichi Shindo, having suicidal thoughts. What is the world coming to? The cheerful, hyper idiot who wears his heart on his sleeve, actually has a dark side afterall. A dark side I didn't even I know I have, until you.

Normal POV

"Shu? Aren't you coming to bed?" The blond haired novelist looked at his lover sitting silently in front of the TV, and glanced at the clock. "It's midnight, if you don't sleep soon, you won't get enough rest for tomorrow's practice."

"Coming Yuki!" The singer replied cheerfully and trounced to the bedroom. His smile faded once the writer was out of sight. With a soft, barely audile sigh, he changed into his pajamas quickly and prepared to sleep. As he climbed beneath the sheets, Yuki followed and snuggled to him. He whispered softly into Shuichi's ears, "Goodnight, my love", and kissed the vocalist tenderly. An automated chirp "Night night Yuki!" caused the blonde to smile sweetly, who soon feel asleep into peaceful dreams filled love and dreams of tomorrow.

Unknown to him, Shuichi was not falling asleep. He was getting tired of this façade he has to put up for his lover. Sure, the sex is still great, even if Yuki doesn't demand that as frequently as before, preferring to just cuddle together like this night sometimes. But sex is not enough, and it was never a priority to Shuichi to begin with. He stayed with Yuki because he loved him, and wanted to help him heal. Somewhere along the relationship, the love faded and it just became a goal to heal Yuki's emotional scars. Without this goal, the singer would have been lost, and have nothing to justify the years of abuse he took, the time he wasted on this relationship. At long last, Yuki is completely cured, a whole, happy person, while Shuichi is broken, and bitter. Since the goal has been achieved, what other reason does he have to remain with Yuki? With these thoughts in his head, Shuichi succumbed to his sleep.

Shuichi's POV

Yuki is acting weird these two days, I wonder what's wrong? He seems nervous for some reason. Oh well, he will probably tell me soon, if not, I don't care anyway. Got to think of the lyrics for Bad Luck's new album. Touma sure is one demanding arsehole. And K-san is an aggressive, pain in the arse who thinks his guns really scare me. Most of the time, Suguru acts like he's got a stick up his arse too. God, even Hiro is one damn moody guy nowadays after his breakup with Ayako. Shit, I'm surrounded by such idiots, it's really trying my patience. Oh well, I'll just get my job done and continue to act like an idiot around them. But I really don't know how long I can go on keeping my mask up. I think Hiro suspects sometimes, but he's so down with Ayako's break-up he doesn't have time to press me for answers. Would Hiro still be my friend when he knows the real me now? I wonder, but to my surprise, I am not too overly concern if he doesn't. Life still goes on. The world sure doesn't evolve around me.

Whew, practice sure was tough today, but it went all right. Touma was giving me weird smiles all day, it gives me the creeps. What is there to be happy about? Probably got laid last night or something.

"Yukiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, I'm home!" I slide my mask back up and yelled out happily. To my surprise, nobody answered. I remembered Yuki telling me this morning to be home earlier tonight, as he will be having dinner with me. Hmm…maybe he forgot? Oh well, I'll just order take-out then. Anyway, I'm getting sick of his cooking nowadays, since he cooks everyday, breakfast and dinner. God, sometimes he even makes lunch for me to take to work so there's no escape for me! Not that his food tastes horrible, quite the contrary, but eating food cooked by the same person gets boring after a while.

I walked towards the phone, and was going to make a call to my favorite Chinese restaurant when I noticed a voice calling out to me from the bedroom. "Shu…" Curious, I got to the bedroom and pushed the door opened. The floor was littered with red and pink rose petals and candles were burning warmly all around. A whiff of vanilla came from somewhere in the room. And in the middle of it all, was Yuki, wearing a tuxedo and kneeling with a small black box in his hands.

"Shu, I love you, will you marry me?" His eyes shone expectedly. Probably expecting me to say yes. Shit, I can't do this anymore. It's time for the mask to come off. Perhaps a year ago, I would have said yes right away and jumped into his arms, sobbing with happiness. But it was too late now. I don't feel anything but tiredness, and perhaps a sense of relief, that four long years have finally come to an end.

"Shu?" He is now getting up slowly and looking at me with unease. With a deep breath and all seriousness, I uttered, "No."

Continue? Stop with the stupid and unoriginal fic? Review please!


	2. Chapter 2

Shuichi's POV

The look on his face was priceless. I have never seen his mouth open so wide nor his eyes looking as if they were going to pop out any moment now. I guess he's shocked. Then slowly, he smiled uncertainly and said, "Stop joking Shu. It's not funny." I suddenly feel a sense of nostalgia. He would have called me baka in the past, and glared at me. Ok, I guess I better start explaining before he declares me crazy and gets me into a mental institution.

"Yuki, we have to talk." I headed towards the living room and leaned against the wall. He followed me in a daze and sat down heavily on my couch. Ok, so technically it isn't mine, since I didn't buy the couch, but I have been sleeping on it for so many nights in the past, it's hard not to think of it as mine. Anyway, back to the issue on hand.

"Yuki, I am not joking. I can't marry you, anyway, is it even legal?"

"Yes it is legal, the law for same-sex marriage was passed two weeks ago. Why can't you marry me? Oh God, don't tell me you are sick?" He rushed towards me worriedly. I held up a hand calmly and stopped him.

"I'm not sick. I'm not mental and I'm serious, so please listen to me and don't say a word till I'm finished, ok?" He nodded reluctantly, as he gave me a weird look. I guess he hasn't seen me talked in such a normal and solemn way before. My thoughts were jumbled, as I imagined this conversation so many times before in the past few months, when I was planning to leave him.

"We have been together for four years, and I loved you so much." He looked startled at the past tense. "I know how hard it was for you to open up and trust others with your emotions again, and how difficult it was to heal. Yet finally, you did it." He smiled up at me, eyes shining, as if to say that he couldn't have done it without me. Damn right he is! Who else would be stupid enough like I was?

"But in the process of healing you, while you were still hurling out abusive words and throwing me out of the apartment for just breathing too loud, I lost it." He winced, and looked so apologetic that I almost softened. Yeah right, as if.

"I lost my sense of worth, I started believing you, that I am really an idiot. I realized that if I continued to love you, I will destroy myself, and perhaps even you. So I withdrew from my emotions, trying not to feel so that I wouldn't be hurt. It was the only way I can cope. Yet, I didn't give up on you, because I believe in time, you will heal from your emotional scars, so I stayed with you, until you are open with your feelings and able to express them normally. But I'm sorry, I don't love you anymore, because I don't know what is love anymore. I hope you can find someone else to love, and I'm sure it wouldn't be difficult, so please, just let me go. I am so tired." Surprisingly, I didn't shed a drop of tear.

I guess I am so removed from my emotions, I can't even cry anymore. Nevermind, Yuki seems to be crying enough for the both of us. He stood up and hugged me, sobbing brokenly. "Shu, please…"

"I'm sorry Yuki, I'm sorry I can't do this anymore." I held him in my arms as he continued crying. For the first time, he fell asleep in my arms from crying. Usually it's the other way round. I brought him to the bedroom and laid him on the bed. The candles have all burnt out now, and seemed to be mocking me, signaling the end of our relationship, or maybe the state of my emotions – burnt out. I tucked him in and kissed him one last time on his salty, tear-stained lips. "Goodbye, Yuki."

Packing what little things I had in a small duffel bag, I walked out the front door, feeling free. But oddly, a tug at my heart tried to tell me otherwise. I ignore that, and drove to my apartment. Yes, I drove, nobody knows about that. And my apartment? I got that a year ago when I got tired of being kicked out of Yuki's apartment and sleeping outside. The apartment was near to the studio, so it was convenient. It was darn expensive too, but worth it for the security and location. I fell into my bed and slept soundly.

I woke up to the annoying sound of my handphone ringing. I fumbled around and fished it out of somewhere in my pants. "ello?" I murmured sleepily.

"Shindou-san, where are you?" Touma's smooth voice filtered through.

"Huh? At home…" I rubbed my eyes and looked around. Yeah, it's all coming back to me now. Yuki's proposal, my confession, his break-down and my leaving. Yup, Touma must have heard about it and trying to fix things, as usual.

"Where exactly is that?" Oops, he doesn't sound so cool and calm now.

"Sorry, not telling."

"Shindou, as an employee of NG, you have a duty to inform your employer of an address change so that we can update your records…"

I hung up the phone. It's too early to listen to his bullshit. Update his records? Ha! Since when does the president of company needs to concern himself with that? Meddling jerk! The phone rang again but I just ignored it. I'll deal with it later. Should I be concerned that I just hung up on my boss? Nah. Bad Luck is such a hit now, he needs us more than we need him. I know it sounds conceited, but that's true. He doesn't hold any power over me now. Well, I guess he could always get someone to kill me, but since death would be like a great escape to me, I'm not worried.

It was still early, so I took my time getting to the studio. I know there's going to be chaos today, oh well, better to get it over with then. True enough, the moment I stepped through the doors, I was ambushed by Touma.

"Shindou-san, if you would join me in my office?" Gosh, if his tone gets any colder it will freeze Japan into another Antarctica.

"Sure." He glares at me and I stare right back, unwavering. Finally he looked away. Woo-hoo! I won the staring match! He has a look of puzzlement now, as if he can't figure something out. Probably didn't expect me to have such a backbone or something.

We arrived at his plush office and took a seat each. He started the ball rolling.

"What happened? Why did you leave Yuki?"

"I told him why."

"Do you still love him?"

"I told him that also."

"Would you mind answering my questions directly?"

"Yes I mind." With that, I stood up and started pacing. "Look Touma, it was between Yuki and me, so I don't see why I need to explain anything to you. If you want my address because of that crap reason about updating the records, I'll have it done at the end of today at the office." I walked towards the door but was stopped by a hand on my shoulder. Turning around, I saw Touma looking at me with his head tilted.

"I don't understand."

"Sometimes I don't understand it myself." Shaking off his hand, I stalked off to the studio.

I arrived and smiled tiredly at my bandmates. K-san drew out the big guns and before he could start the usual threats about killing me because I was late, I said. "Stop, I was talking to Touma, that's why I was late. Now, let's not waste time and start practicing. Where were we up to yesterday?" I turned to Hiro and Suguru, who stared at me like I have grown three heads. "What?"

"Are you sick?" Hiro felt my forehead in concern. I waved him off. "I'm not, but thanks for your concern. I do feel tired, so I would appreciate if we could start soon so that I can go home to rest earlier."

"What, Yuki kept you up all night last night?" Hiro nudged and winked at me. I sighed and replied tiredly. "Look, this will come out sooner or later, so I'm telling you guys now. I have left Yuki, and I'm living by myself now. If you want, I can arrange for a housewarming party in the next few days so that you guys can check my place out. It's pretty near to the studio too, takes only 5 minutes if I drive."

Now, they were all looking at me like I have grown three heads and breasts. After the moment of shock was over, I was bombarded with questions.

"YOU left Yuki?"

"You got your OWN apartment?"

"You know how to drive? And you have a car?"

"Are you Shuichi Shindou?"

Good grief, I am starting to have a migraine. I reached into my pockets and took out a cigarette and lighter. I understand why Yuki smokes now, it does soothes the nerves. Lighting up, I took a deep drag. Whew, that really hit the spot.

"You smoke?" Hiro looks really worried now.

"Yeah, but not often, only when I'm really stressed. I know it's bad for my voice, and I know when to stop, so don't worry so much."

"I know you guys must be dying to know why I left Yuki, but I will give you the same answer I gave Touma – it's between Yuki and me. I am fine, so don't worry, I will perform to the usual standards of Bad Luck. Now, can we please start?" Stubbing out my cigarette, I took up my position in the studio and waited for the music to begin.

I knew they would not be satisfied with my answers, particularly Hiro. After the practice, Hiro cornered me. "Shuichi, what's wrong? You are behaving strangely."

"Hiro, nothing's wrong, and I am not behaving strangely. I am behaving as I should be without my mask."

"What mask?"

"My idiotic mask? Ne? Hiroooooooooooooooo don't you know? Hmm?" I chirped happily and bounced around him. Then I stopped and turned serious.

"I'm tired of acting like an idiot to please other people. From now on, I'm showing the real me. If you can't accept it, I understand."

There was silence for about a minute, I think. Then Hiro stared into my eyes. "I have been the idiot, for not seeing this. Yuki changed you, didn't he? I have been such a horrible friend." He hugged me tightly and murmured, "You are my friend, forever, and nothing will change that."

I almost cried. Almost. But my well of tears has dried up during my time with Yuki, so I just smiled sadly and hugged my best friend back. No matter what happens now, I know Hiro's on my side, and that gives me some comfort.

My stomach growled and I said sheepishly. "I didn't have breakfast today, just coffee."

Hiro raised his eyebrow. "You take coffee now?"

"Yeah, the caffeine helps."

"There's so much I need to learn about you now, don't I?"

"Not that much, really. Come on, let's grab some lunch. There's this great French place that has the most fantastic crepe and café au lait. The boss is a nice French lady who married a local guy. She's helping me with my French too."

"Since when did you start learning French?"

"Well, one day when I was kicked out of Yuki's apartment, I came across this French for Dummies book lying on a bench in the park, and since I had nothing better to do, I started reading it, and I guess that was what got me started…"

"Shuichi Shindou, you are just full of surprises today!" Hiro slung an arm around me and asked,

"So where's your ride?"

I led him to my violet convertible and he whistled appreciatively. "Cool car."

"Thanks." I smirked and decided to surprise him again with my driving skills. What should have taken 15 minutes to get to the restaurant was shortened to 5. Hiro looked abit green when we reached the café. "Shuichi, were you trying to kill me?"

"Haha, please, you are in safe hands. Have some faith in me, will ya?"

"Uh-uh, I'm taking the bus back later." I laughed and turned towards the entrance of the café. My laugh faded when I saw Yuki standing just a few steps away from me.

Hiro noticed his presence too, and decided to give us some time alone. "Hey, I'm just going to the bathroom, see ya later!"

I nodded absently at Hiro and stared at my ex-lover. He looked terrible, ragged, eyes red and face blotchy. Did I do this to him? I waited to feel regret, but didn't.

He approached me slowly and stopped in front of me. "Shu, can we talk?" I pointed to the French café. "Sure, you had lunch? I was going to grab something here so if you want we can have lunch together."

He followed me into the café and I waved to the boss, Christelle. "Hi Christelle, Ca Va?"

Christelle smiled and started talking rapidly in French, to which I answered slowly but correctly. She nodded and walked towards the kitchen to get my orders ready.

I lead Yuki to my usual booth. "I hope you don't mind, but I ordered the lunch special for you. It's pretty good." He shook his head in amazement.

"It's fine. Thanks. I never know that you speak French."

"I started learning a year ago."

"Shu, I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

Yuki bowed his head in remorse and repeated. "I'm sorry."

I smiled bitterly. "What are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry for treating you so badly. I didn't realize how much I hurt you…"

"It's all in the past now, Yuki." No point in holding a grudge. I can't stay with him anymore as a lover, but if he wants, we can still be friends. I told him as much.

"But I want you back with me…please Shu."

"I guess we can't all have what we want now, can we?" He started to reach out for my hands, but Christelle arrived at that moment with the food.

"Bon appetit!"

"Merci, Christelle."

We ate in silence for a while. Then, out of the blue, he smiled at me. "Thank you. For making me whole again, for making me love again." His smile trembled as he continued. "But just when I fall completely, hopelessly in love with you, you left me. I feel broken again."

I set down my fork and knife and sighed. "Yuki, please don't be so selfish. I have given you four years of my life, and now I am broken myself, so why can't you just let me go!"

"I love you Shu, I will never let you go. Yes, I am selfish, but this time, I think it is for the right reason. I know I broke your spirit, but give me a chance to heal you, like you did me? I won't give up." His eyes grew steely with determination as he reached out for my hands.

I stood up. "It's too late, Yuki."


End file.
